Obsessive jealousy

It is very difficult to explain what jealousy is. The most common definition would be that jealousy is an emotion by one who perceives that another person is giving something that he or she feels is due to them to an alternate. The examples of jealousy are everywhere around us. Children may become jealous when  their siblings get something that they haven’t. An adult may become jealous if their lover is flirting with someone else. Although a small amount of jealousy is not considered to be pathological, this emotion, when seriously expressed, can invade every relationship, whether it be with husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, brothers, sisters, mothers or fathers. A form of jealousy called Delusional jealousy or Othello syndrome is a psychiatric disorder in which a person thinks that their spouse or sexual partner is being unfaithful. In some cases this type of behaviour is acquired through past experiences - people who have already been cheated on tend to be more possessive and controlling for fear of repetition. In most cases however, jealousy is a byproduct of one's own issues with self-confidence and self-esteem. 

Fear and lack of trust

Fear is the number one cause of unfounded jealousy. The person who is jealous may not be willing to admit it at first, but at the core of almost all jealousy is a fear that they may lose their partner and their needs for love, friendship and affection will no longer be met. The second ingredient that is almost always present when someone is jealous is a lack of trust in a relationship. This can either be a lack of trust in their partner because of past actions or a lack of trust in their partner's ability to make conscious choices and decisions about their conduct when they are with other people.

Jealousy and envy

Some experts strictly distinguish between jealousy and envy on the ground that jealousy involves the wish to keep what one has while envy involves the wish to get what one does not have.

To oversimplify, jealousy causes anger, envy causes wistfulness. Jealousy is destructive, but envy rarely is. Envy is the desire for something in general, whereas jealousy is the desire to have something in particular.

Some even claim a distinction between jealousy and envy insofar as while envy is the carnal desire to possess something that is not yours, jealousy is the righteous feeling that one has towards that which is rightly his.. For this reason, some have suggested that jealousy mostly concerns one's perception of oneself.

Jealousy and self-esteem

Scientific research has not clearly established a link between jealousy and self-esteem although some experts claim that there is a strong link between thess two.

Is jealousy insecurity?

Several psychiatric studies have come to the conclusion that feelings of jealousy always appear to stem from one's sense that something about their life is not secure. In some cases, the insecurity is not founded on realistic dangers to the relationship and if that is the case, the jealous partner may wish to consider where the insecurities are coming from. Of course, solving these sorts of insecurities isn't easy, but until a person does it there is no chance for a healthy relationship without the excessive jealousy. 

Totally non-jealous!

By the late 1960s and the 1970s, jealousy, particularly sexual jealousy, had come to be seen as irrational and shameful among the proponents of free love. People who practiced those non-exclusive sexual relationships believed that they ought not to be jealous and sought to banish or deny jealous reactions to their partners' sexual involvement with others. Many found this unexpectedly difficult. For some, conscious blocking of the jealous reaction is relatively easy from the start, and over time the reaction can be effectively extinguished.

Multiple intimate relationships

Several studies suggest that jealousy may be reduced in multilateral relationships. Contemporary practitioners of what is now called multiple intimate relationships for the most part treat jealousy as an inevitable problem, best handled by accommodation and communication.
 

Delusional jealousy

Delusional jealousy is a psychiatric disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that their spouse or sexual partner is being unfaithful. Delusional jealousy is also known as the Othello syndrome, erotic jealousy syndrome, morbid jealousy, Othello psychosis, or sexual jealousy. This syndrome may appear alone or in the course of paranoid schizophrenia, alcoholism, or cocaine addiction.
 
The most common symptoms of Othello syndrome:

•         recurrent accusations of infidelity,
•         searches for evidence,
•         repeated interrogation of the partner,
•         tests of partner's fidelity,
•         stalking
 
 
The affected person typically makes these accusations based on insignificant or minimal evidence. They may also frequently monitor their partner’s behavior and movements. This may be taken to extremes. This type of behaviour is more often found in males than females and it has a strong association with violence.
Some studies have also found that the constant accusations and suspicion from the delusional partner have driven some partners to actually have an affair.
 

Treatment of jealousy

The first step is that the person stops denying jealousy and starts dealing with it. There are several ways in which jealousy can be treated.
 
•    Self-treatment

It is proven that one of the biggest mistakes that jealous person can make is to try and hide it. It is important to figure out that jealousy is usually a signal that something in the life of this person needs to be fixed. Ignoring usually only makes things worse. Jealous persons should ask themselves the following questions:

•    What do I feel insecure about?
•    Do I feel unattractive or uninteresting myself?
•    Do I doubt the other persons love for me?
•    Do I doubt that I can have the type of relationship I want?

Once a person figures out what the reason of discomfort is, they should ask themselves if these fears are well-founded. If the person is really sure that fears are unwarranted, but they feel insecure anyhow, they should try to change in order to avoid the situations which cause their insecurity in the future!

Sometimes jealous feelings can be triggered because we have unspoken expectations from our partner that aren't met. In such cases it may be helpful to ask the partner how they feel about it and, by clarifying the partners intentions, ending up feeling disappointed and hurt will be less likely. There is a lot of hope in being able to change ourselves, whether we are working on our personal defects of character, or we just need to change our attitude.

Some useful tips are:


•         Learn from past experiences.
It is important to look at how your behavior affected the past relationships. You may soon discover that these frequent suspicions are the cause of your troubled love life.
You should realize that getting upset with your partner for no reason won't help your situation.
•         Deal with reality
Focusing on what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening is crucial. This is because with time, person may end up having difficulty distinguishing fact from fiction.
•         Respect yourself
The partner chose you for a reason and there is no need for them to be so easily tempted elsewhere. 
•         Get a third party's opinion
It might be useful to ask a good friend to take note of your behavior around your partner. It may help you to fully understand the extent of your actions. Neutral perspective is the most objective criteria.
 
•    Psychiatric therapy
Therapy can be another good way of dealing with unfounded internal fears. Unfortunately, there is often a stigma attached to therapy but you need to know that visiting a therapist doesn’t mean that you are crazy.

•    Medications

Some patients with pathological jealousy have a predominant obsessional component to their jealous thoughts. Since obsessions and compulsions often respond to medications called serotonin reuptake blockers, these drugs may also be useful for obsessional jealousy. It is proven that obsessional jealousy has phenomenological similarities to other obsessions and compulsions, and therefore jealousy may respond to standard anti-obsessional medications.