It seems to me that you might be having serious depression problems, and that cannot be cured with alcohol, you will only make things worse. I suggest you to get some professional help, some expert to talk about your problems with. It might sound prematurely, but is it really? Of course, there are also medications that could deal with your condition, but first it has to be determined if you are suffering from any condition at all. That is what experts are for. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Help yourself, please. And try to stop with alcohol.
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