Teen with depression

Hi, my daughter is 16 years old, and she’s really depressed. My husband says that she’s only going through a puberty, but I don’t want to underestimate her problems just because she’s still a kid. How can I help a teen with depression?

I wish I had a mother like you when I needed one. I was very depressed when I was a teenager and it would be much easier to handle if I had someone to talk to. Your daughter is at very woundable age, and she needs all the support she can get, especially from you. Parents often forget how it is to be a teenager, so they make some big mistakes. When you see that your daughter is having a bad mood or a melancholy, talk to her and let her know that she’s not alone. Don’t be discouraged if she doesn’t want to talk to you. She will not forget that you were there, ready to talk and understand her problems and depression. Being a teenager, your daughter has a mind of a grownup, but heart of a child.

I work with Air Cadets in Canada, a youth group of teens between 12 and 18. I have dealt with many depressed, and unfourtunatly suicidal teens. I highly recommend you talk to your daughter, she will be releived to have a sympathetic ear, even if she pushes you away.

I do recommend you do your homework before you talk to her. Speak to your local pastor/priest etc, or a guidance counsellor, look up "teen depression" on the net. Teen depression is a very different beast than adult depression, and if you go in to her knowing all this, she is more likely to open up.

Don't be discouraged, or take her word for it, if her first comment is to you that everything is ok. Let her know that you are concerned, and back off a bit, but keep an eye out for signs like loss of appetite, change in sleeping patterns, change in friends.

If your concerns are serious enough that you think she may be considering suicide don't be afraid. Something like 80% of teens consider suicide at some point. Tell her that you are concerned for her well being, don't ask her things like "are you thinking of doing something stupid" or similar questions, but come right out and say the words. Ask her if she's thinking of suicide. Even terms like "hurting yourself" are too vague, and will make her think you are too afraid to talk to her. If she does admit to suicidal thoughts, get her help right away, tell her you are there for her, and make a pact with her to NOT go any further and turn her thoughts to actions.

Prepare yourself for the most intense, but understand that most teens go through what your daughter is going through, if you handle this like a concerned adult, she will trust you as not only a parent, but as a friend she can confide in.

Good Luck
Nicole