Major depression and grief after abortion, very confused...

I am 31 and desperately wanted to have a child with my partner. Last month I found out that I was pregnant and I was suprised to feel absolutely nothing positive about the fact. After the initial shock wore off all I felt was indifference, fear and depression. The sight of women with babies etc. provoked feelings of nausea... I took this to mean that I didn't actually want the baby and last week i had an abortion. Now that my body is returning to its normal state I feel exactly the way that i did before I found out that I was pregnant! I don't understand how it's possible to feel so emotionally estranged from myself during pregnancy. Is it possible that this happened because of pregnancy hormones? I feel like my body betrayed me. I wanted that baby. Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? It's very disturbing...

hi your not alone i had a termination at the time i did not want the baby at all but now i have gone through with it i havent been the same since i have suffered from anxiety and depression i feel like i am being punished for going through with it and i feel the need to get pregnant again its wierd .

i feel the same, i hada abortion 2 weeks ago. and it really hurts iv even found myself blaming my boyfriend for pushing me into it, im at college and there is a girl there who has a baby and she never shuts up about it. when i was pregnant i just was scared and wanted it to go, now i h8 myself and think i was being a coward.
i believe one day it will get better tho.
dont give up
x

I know what you're going through, except instead of indifference to the pregnancy, I experienced extremely high anxiety. I got pregnant accidentally, but I've always wanted a baby more than anything and never thought I would have an abortion. Yet, when I got pregnant, my anxiety went through the roof, and I felt very negative about it. I'm not married and it wasn't the most ideal time to have a baby, but I have financial resources--I could have done it. But because of the anxiety, I viewed the pregnancy so pessimistically.

So, I had an abortion (this was last November). Since then, I've felt extremely depressed, even suicidal. To make matters worse, for a while I was thinking of keeping the baby, so I had seen sonograms. Needless to say, I'm extremely traumatized by the whole thing.

Now, too late, I have discovered there is an antianxiety medication called buspirone (Buspar) that is considered safe to take during pregnancy. I had assumed nothing would be safe to take and didn't even ask my ob/gyn about it.

So, for anyone else who is pregnant and experiencing high anxiety, ask ur doctor about taking this medication. U should never make such an important decision as terminating a pregnancy in a state of extreme anxiety. If I had been treated for the anxiety, it could have saved my baby, and I'd be looking forward to giving birth this May instead of dealing with all this sorrow and regret.

hi
I was in a similar position. im 34 years old and in july I had to have one of my ovaries removed because of a cyst that the pathology later came back as malignant. I was told by my doctor that if i want children I need to have them in the next few years as they will want to remove my other ovary and uterus in the future. I am ready for a baby and so i got pregnant. I was ecstatic. well I was up to 12 weeks and then i just became so anxious and overwhelmed. Unfortunately i was living on the other side of the world from my friends and family with a 6 hour time difference. I made the decision to have an abortion and 3 days later it was done. I didnt really think clearly on it I was isolated and didnt discuss it with anyone. I really dont know what came over me I was going to be moving back in 3 weeks to have the baby. Now i still want a baby and I am so ridden with guilt. I dont know what happened to me during that time.

I too have recently had an abortion and am having those same feelings of regret and grief. i have always wanted a family more than anything, am in a committed loving relationship and would even go so far as to say that I disagree with abortion - and yet, i fell pregnant unplanned, got scared at the timing of it all and the consequences of it, and before i knew it, I'd done it.

I cry a lot. I feel empty inside, like there is a big hole inside of me that won't go away. I feel the desire to have another baby, soon, after my wedding, earlier than we had ever planned. I ache all the time and it's as though my body misses being pregnant (even though I was so sick). I'll be having a happy day and then suddenly i'll break down into a flood of tears, racking sobs that shake my whole body and i feel an indescribable ache in my chest.

I worry that when i do have another baby that it won't fix the real problem of the baby that I made the decision not to keep.

Guest wrote:

I too have recently had an abortion and am having those same feelings of regret and grief. i have always wanted a family more than anything, am in a committed loving relationship and would even go so far as to say that I disagree with abortion - and yet, i fell pregnant unplanned, got scared at the timing of it all and the consequences of it, and before i knew it, I'd done it. I cry a lot. I feel empty inside, like there is a big hole inside of me that won't go away. I feel the desire to have another baby, soon, after my wedding, earlier than we had ever planned. I ache all the time and it's as though my body misses being pregnant (even though I was so sick). I'll be having a happy day and then suddenly i'll break down into a flood of tears, racking sobs that shake my whole body and i feel an indescribable ache in my chest. I worry that when i do have another baby that it won't fix the real problem of the baby that I made the decision not to keep.

Hi Guest and ALL who have posted here,

I read your posts and want you to know that there IS hope and healing. What you are feeling after your abortions is a reaction VERY commonly shared by ALOT of women, but often times, they dont share their feelings with others for fear of other men or women treating them harshly, embarassment, guilt, depression or whatever the reason may be.

I counseled alot of girls in Pensacola, voluntarily, and I have seen the healing and restoration that DOES occur. It is a process, but it isnt impossible.

If I can, I wouild like to help you in any way possible. If you would like to PM message me, just click on my name on the screen. Any help I can offer, I would love to help.

Many Blessings and healing,
Hizgrace

DEAR HIZGRACE I HAD AN ABORTION A MONTH AGO AND I JUST FEEL HORRIBLE INSIDE. I NOW SEE OTHER PROBLEMS IN LIFE AS INSIGNIFICANT. I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GO BACK IN TIME AND STILL HAVE MY PREGNANCY. I FEEL VERY SAD AND LONELY. I WISH YOU CAN GIVE ME SOME ADVISE. THANK YOU FOR OFFERING.

Hizgrace4all wrote:

Guest wrote: I too have recently had an abortion and am having those same feelings of regret and grief. i have always wanted a family more than anything, am in a committed loving relationship and would even go so far as to say that I disagree with abortion - and yet, i fell pregnant unplanned, got scared at the timing of it all and the consequences of it, and before i knew it, I'd done it. I cry a lot. I feel empty inside, like there is a big hole inside of me that won't go away. I feel the desire to have another baby, soon, after my wedding, earlier than we had ever planned. I ache all the time and it's as though my body misses being pregnant (even though I was so sick). I'll be having a happy day and then suddenly i'll break down into a flood of tears, racking sobs that shake my whole body and i feel an indescribable ache in my chest. I worry that when i do have another baby that it won't fix the real problem of the baby that I made the decision not to keep. Hi Guest and ALL who have posted here, I read your posts and want you to know that there IS hope and healing. What you are feeling after your abortions is a reaction VERY commonly shared by ALOT of women, but often times, they dont share their feelings with others for fear of other men or women treating them harshly, embarassment, guilt, depression or whatever the reason may be. I counseled alot of girls in Pensacola, voluntarily, and I have seen the healing and restoration that DOES occur. It is a process, but it isnt impossible. If I can, I wouild like to help you in any way possible. If you would like to PM message me, just click on my name on the screen. Any help I can offer, I would love to help. Many Blessings and healing, Hizgrace

ANALILIA1 wrote:

DEAR HIZGRACE I HAD AN ABORTION A MONTH AGO AND I JUST FEEL HORRIBLE INSIDE. I NOW SEE OTHER PROBLEMS IN LIFE AS INSIGNIFICANT. I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GO BACK IN TIME AND STILL HAVE MY PREGNANCY. I FEEL VERY SAD AND LONELY. I WISH YOU CAN GIVE ME SOME ADVISE. THANK YOU FOR OFFERING. Hizgrace4all wrote: Guest wrote: I too have recently had an abortion and am having those same feelings of regret and grief. i have always wanted a family more than anything, am in a committed loving relationship and would even go so far as to say that I disagree with abortion - and yet, i fell pregnant unplanned, got scared at the timing of it all and the consequences of it, and before i knew it, I'd done it. I cry a lot. I feel empty inside, like there is a big hole inside of me that won't go away. I feel the desire to have another baby, soon, after my wedding, earlier than we had ever planned. I ache all the time and it's as though my body misses being pregnant (even though I was so sick). I'll be having a happy day and then suddenly i'll break down into a flood of tears, racking sobs that shake my whole body and i feel an indescribable ache in my chest. I worry that when i do have another baby that it won't fix the real problem of the baby that I made the decision not to keep. Hi Guest and ALL who have posted here, I read your posts and want you to know that there IS hope and healing. What you are feeling after your abortions is a reaction VERY commonly shared by ALOT of women, but often times, they dont share their feelings with others for fear of other men or women treating them harshly, embarassment, guilt, depression or whatever the reason may be. I counseled alot of girls in Pensacola, voluntarily, and I have seen the healing and restoration that DOES occur. It is a process, but it isnt impossible. If I can, I wouild like to help you in any way possible. If you would like to PM message me, just click on my name on the screen. Any help I can offer, I would love to help. Many Blessings and healing, Hizgrace

Analilia1,

my heart goes out to you sweetie. Dont beat yourself up for choosing your abortion. Learn from it. The feelings that you are feeling are VERY common, it is usually a NATURAL reaction for you to be grieving a loss of life. It is how you handle your grieving. Please know that there is hope, and that you can have restoration and healing in this process. You are not alone sweetie.

If you click on my Hizgrace name at the top of the post on the left side, you can personal message me. I would LOVE to help you get past this if I can, by His grace only. Also, if you would like, I can find out some information about places that you can go TOTALLY CONFIDENTIAL in loving and supportive places to seek restoration. Dont loose heart, keep your chin up, and know that you took the first step.

I had a young woman come to me, a friend, who was deeply depressed, did not want to eat, go around anyone, go to work, cried alot, constantly thought about her baby and had no other support here where I live. My heart felt like it shed millions of tears for her.

I will tell you, I decided to get into this counseling, because it BROKE MY HEART TO PIECES to see these young girls so TORN AND FRAYED. I understand the feelings of sadness and lonliness. Please PM me and maybe we could get started with possible counsel. If you cannot PM here, I will try and find a way for you to be in contact with me, ok?

THIS TOO SHALL PASS.... if you need to mourn and cry, DO IT. Please let me know if you have problems PM me.

I will pray for you sweetie,
Hizgrace

My abortion was about 27 years ago and I am finally writing down my story. I had been with my boyfriend for 6 years. After many family and friends started having babies and getting married. (most in that order; baby first) I became very careless and got pregnant. I guess I figured we would just do like everyone else and get married. Well, I was wrong. I was shocked when he said I should have an abortion. This is something I never ever wanted, but at the same time, felt I had to do. The issue really was money. He was hardly working at the time, we were in the process of moving after being in a house with roommates. So, I went through with it. He did not even go with me, but instead I had to rely on a girlfriend of a guy he was working with to take me. Granted he had to work which was important at the time. So as I'm writing this down, I imagine anyone reading it will be amazed that I married this man and am even still married to him. We since have two children.
The grief and guilt over the lost child is at times unbearable. I have intense anger at my husband and myself for not being stronger. I don't know what triggers these episodes, but when they happen it is very hard to function. And, as with many people I have kept this a secret from all of my family and friends. I can't imagine what my children would think of me if they knew this.
Anyone reading this and considering abortion, please think about it carefully. If you have any other option, don't do it. I would give anything to take it back.....