Infatuated with Guy friend.

so i've come to terms with myself, I'm a 15 yr. old guy and i consider myself 'partially' bi? if that makes since, but I only have feelings like these projected towards only 2 of my guy friends. 1 more than the other. so i've been really infatuated with my guy friend, lets call him 'J' and so i don't really know what to do. Should I tell J what I feel? i don't really want to ruin our really good friendship, but he's pretty opened minded about things. and i'm not sure if he's totally straight either...confused!!

Hi there. Let me tell you about Dr. Kinsey. He was a doctor who studied sex. He invented a scale with how you can determine--or at least explain--your sexuality. A 0 is 100% straight, a 6 is 100% gay, and a 3 is 100% bisexual. Any numbers in between, 0 through 6, would be a degree of sexuality. Personally, as a guy, I'm a 1. I have had friends I have been sexually active with who are also men, but I'm not what I would consider to be gay or even really all that bisexual. It's totally, totally normal, okay? I know it can be dangerous in high school so proceed with caution. Hang out with your friend one on one and see how things go. I'll leave it up to you if you want to tell him you like him, but I know it's a hard age to be young and kids can be really mean, so take care of yourself, okay? Keep me posted and ask questions if you have any.

It is totally normal at that age to have attraction to the opposite sex. When i was 13-15 i had the same urges toward my dude friend. I actually talked to him and said "hey dude i have to be honest, i have a little bit of a attration to you" but i said it in kinda of a joking kind of way so he laughed it off and said "really, thats awsome man". Well later that summer we did some experimentation but i wont get into details.

All i have to say is it's normal to experiement with the opposite sex at that age and not be gay at all. I knew a lot of boys growing up that had all the same urges you have, and most of us were open about it. The biggest thing was we all wanted to see who had a bigger penis, testicular sack, etc. We all wanted to know who was circumsized, and who wasn't, basically it was just curiosity and a lot of young boys probally have it i know i did.

o0o i see. wow that's really really helpful! and true. it is a dangerous time, high school is. I think I'll probably keep it a secret for the time being. but seeing that scale factor of 1-6, helps me a lot, I would probably consider myself a 1.5 or 2. Hmm. okay. Makes me understand myself a little easier. Thanks soo much. I wasn't all that sure if anybody would answer this post. So you asked to keep ya posted alright. well, today i'm going to be spending the day with him at his house. so i'll see how that goes. Thanks sooo soo so much.

Hi guys,

I think what healthnfitness guy said is a perfect response.

When I was 16 I had my first sexual experience. It was with my best friend. We were both very close and could talk about anything, and we did. We both learned a lot about ourselves and each other. We're still good friends. I think it is a normal part of growing up. You're comfortable with him and trust him.

I think you're going to have to talk to him some more to see how open minded he is. He may also be interested, but he may also be feeling as you are and not sure of what to do. You're only going to find out by opening up. Don't rush things and if he hesitates give him some time. He'll need to think about it too. Go slowly.

Now, I'm married and have a son that's a senior in high school. He plays sports and is popular. He has a good number of girl and guy friends. We're close and he talks about his friends and I know he's very close to one of them. We've all gone hiking and camping for years, often taking his friend with us. Now that they're older they've gone alone a couple of times. One time he was telling my wife and I about his trip and how they went swimming. She asked about bathing suits and he replied "mom, it was just us me and -----." He looked at me like he'd been caught doing something wrong but I just nodded in agreement. He later told me that they'd gone swimming a few times. I asked him what else they do and he said "talk." I can tell from the way he said it that more has happened but 'm perfectly comfortable with that response.

There are lots of ways to approach this. I hope this helps you feel more comfortable about yourself.

Good luck, and let us know if you have any questions or concerns. Keep us posted.

ImSoHaSome wrote:

o0o i see. wow that's really really helpful! and true. it is a dangerous time, high school is. I think I'll probably keep it a secret for the time being. but seeing that scale factor of 1-6, helps me a lot, I would probably consider myself a 1.5 or 2. Hmm. okay. Makes me understand myself a little easier. Thanks soo much. I wasn't all that sure if anybody would answer this post. So you asked to keep ya posted alright. well, today i'm going to be spending the day with him at his house. so i'll see how that goes. Thanks sooo soo so much.

First of all, medic-dan, thank you. Most men dont' admit to it, but almost all men have, at some point, had a gay experience. It doesn't make them gay. Just means they had an experience. And medic-dan your son's guilty look cracks me up. No teen on the history of the planet ever just 'talks'. But then when you're that age, you don't think your parents know anything.

2? Yeah, that sounds about right! Kinsey believed most guys were a 3. I disagree...I think most people are either 1s or 2s or 4s or 5s, but not 3s. I don't think I have any friends who like men and women equally. I'm glad you gave me an update. I'd like to keep track of you since you remind me so much of when I was young!! Let me know how it's going with this guy.

I also want to remind you that you're never alone. This is a huge planet. Someone else will surely be going through it. A lot of gay kids get depressed and sometimes even kill themselves because they think that they're all alone. Not that I think you think that way!! But just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. You will always have someone who's going through the same thing as you...Anyway! I've rambled enough. Let me know what you think.

Gossshh. I feel so much better now. and I'm almost in disbelief that people would actually be helping me. I feel really honored. Medic-dan, your story makes me laugh a lot, and i think its kinda funny, that my friend's family are very outdoorsy. They go hunting fishing, and everything outside! So that day I spent with him was really fun. He took me around the house, told me these stories about his hunting trips, and it was cool. He showed me around the land he owned for dirt biking etc. and we played games, he family even took us all out to eat. So I really enjoy their family. He's like my best friend. And we've gotten closer. I really enjoyed the day, and so did he. "We should do this more often" he said. I learned a lot of things about him, and he learned about me. so I think things are moving along. I have a game plan, even though it's slow. And I feel like life is even a better place now.

As for how i felt. There have been many times where I was depressed because I felt alone, and to be truthful, I've come extremely close to doing extremely NOT smart things. But slowly I recovered from the depression, but I still wasn't the happiest person ever. (quick flash back story) I met my friend in the 7th grade, he wasn't my best friend then, but I knew him. We ran track together. In the 8th grade was when i started to know him a little more. we didn't have many classes together(just band), but during track season, we'd hung out a lot more often. Then in 9th grade was when we could start taking Pre-Ap and AP classes, and I would consider us pretty smart. So we then had many classes together, Plus we did quizbowl, and robotics (after school programs) so that boosted our friendship. Now in the tenth grade, we basically have all classes together, except for the first 2 periods.and so the rest of the day, I spend with him going from class to class, and we help each other with homework.(well that wasn't as quick a flash back)

So since I've taking more a liking to him, he would be making me day loads better. I would be way more enthusiastic about going to school, ( i already like going to school) but the enthusiasm even shocked me. And I have a more positive out look on life than ever. except when I started confused about my feelings and situation. But now thanks you, healthnfitnessguy, and medi-dan, I feel even greater than ever. So this was an extremely long post. but thanks soo much. and again, i feel really honored truly that u actually care.

Thanks guys.

healthfitnessguy, I did have to think about sharing my post but it is part of me. I do not regret the experience at all. I think it is part of our normal curiosity and I agree, I think most guys have had a similar experience. I thank you for giving me the courage to share. My son's look was priceless, I do wish I had a camera for it.

Imsohasome, I'm glad you feel so much better. That's why we're here. I also think it's funny that the family you're with is "outdoorsy." Talk about coincidence.

It's also good that your friend is making your life better. That's what friends are for.

Keep us posted OK. We really do care.

Hello everyone! As most of you know I am a woman! I am 45 years old with 2 boys 17 and 14 and have been married for over 20 years! The reason why I wanted to get into this conversation among men is to put my 2 cents and experiences from ALL sides into the equation as well!

EVERY person I am friends with - man and woman - have had 1 or more sexual experiences with the same sex when they were in either pre pubescent or teenage years! My eldest son thought he was "gay" because he thought a guy at his scool was cute! He had those WILD fluctuating hormones that we all have! And my husband and I HAD to come clean and tell him about our own experiences so he wouldn't feel so bad!!! IT is TOTALLY and UTTERLY normal for us all to have feelings for the same sex at one point or another! The answer to your question is deep in your essence of being!

I have studied Dr. Kinsey before - because I've studied human behaviour since I was very young! And personally I disagree with his theories on our sexuality and the 0 - 6 scale! I will tell you why! I don't agree that there is such a thing as a true Bi-Sexual and ALL of my friends whom are gay agree! For myself and everyone I know you, are either gay or you aren't, straight and simple! Well actually not simple but you know what I mean!!!

It is not in animal nature to be Bi-Sexual! It is in animal nature to be one or the other! There are reported cases of penguins even being gay! So you have to take it to the lowest common denominator - SEX! If you have a dog, say called "Bruce" and "Bruce" trys to mount "Henry" it's not that Bruce is gay, he is just trying to have sex!!! Well Bruce might be gay, but that doesn't explain his 5 litters of puppies with Mavis!!!! Anyways back to sex! What you really have to search your soul and your essence for is this! IF you were standing at the end of time and you would want ? to be standing there with you, what sex would ? be?!!!!!!

Also know this honey! In highschool where you are put in certain groups, would you be comfortable being in the gay group and being known as being gay? OR would you want to stay in the Hetero Group, with the the same urges and conflicts as EVERY other Heterosexual person!?

I was at a wedding on Saturday, and there were 2 ladies there that just got married! We started talking about the wedding etc, and I asked one of them "Have you always been gay?" she replied "Yes I NEVER even thought about being with a guy I never dated or even kissed a guy!" the other lady was married before and NEVER even thought about the fact that she would end up marrying a woman! So the heart is a mystery! All I know from my 45 years on this earth is this! LOVE has NOTHING to do with SEX!!! And SEX sometimes has a lot to do with LOVE!! Does that make sense to anyone?! In the base form, SEXUAL feelings have NOTHING to do with who you ARE!! Love IS!!! So if you are turned on by a guy friend or have sexual feelings or experiences with the same sex! Does NOT mean that is who you ARE! It is who you MIGHT be! Whom you LOVE determines who you ARE! So if you look at your buddy and think, "God he's hot!!!" That's one thing! If you look at him and think "God I LOVE him!" That's another!!! I know I've simplified a VERY complex issue, but from personal experiences this is the only way I do things! Whatever makes sense, IS!!

So there's my 2 cents - I know it's more like $2 worth!!! Just be careful honey that's all! And be sure in yourself and the outcomes! Good luck honey and sorry for interupting guys!!! I'll let you go back to talking about football!!!

well in response to bambi27, i see what you mean. with everything that you've said. I also read some where that a lot of times, people classify themselves as 'bisexual' first before fully admitting themselves homosexual because it was a less dramatic change? But to tell you the truth, I would rather be in the 'hetero' group at school. It's strange, because your question, "If i were standing at the end of time, who would I want to be standing there with, and what gender?" I truthfully wouldn't know. because I've had strong feelings for some of my girlfriends, and i still do for some, but I also wouldn't mind standing there with my 'friend' as well. I have urges for both genders. My hormones are going extremely crazy because of my age, but thats what I feel currently. Right now I may feel more sexual urges for guys than girls right now. but i don't have the same emotional affection for guys (other than my friend right now) as I do for girls. and its really confuddling. I also don't act like a typical "gay" or follow the stereotypes. I personally don't think I act very feminine, Polite and well-mannered, but not feminine. But I also aren't like the 'straight' guys. I don't take that much of an interest in football, or cars. I don't think "oh that girls hot" i'm more of "oh i think she's really smart and funny" more the whats on the inside type of person. so I don't really fall deep onto any other side. I'm a Libra, so i feel like i'm "balanced"? soo maybe it's all the hormones inside of me?

also a little about my upbringing. My dad wasn't never a big factor in my life. And I basically lived with my mom and grandma, and I still do. and I usually don't have an older male around. My brother was already in college when i as little, my uncle and i aren't very close. So i don't have a true male figure in my life. I mean i have teachers that I look up to. but its all educational, not about life.

so could my upbringing have something to do with everything? I mean everything is really going good in life right now. but i am really still trying to defog what is going on inside of me.
but truly thank you for your input. I feel its really necessary to have a look at a situation from all sides. so thank you!