Help ! Depression and a Stroke Victium.

My 57 yr old mother had a second stroke, which she has also had many other things happen in the past 13 yrs such as breast cancer, heart attack, and staph infection just to name a few. This stroke she had during recovery after having open heart surgery. The stroke paralyzed her right side and also left her with double vision in her right eye. This women is a very strong women, very strong willed, and proud. She was always there for us and she always looked at the bright side of things.

Now however her spirits have diminished shes very quiet . When my dad who has always been rude and has always given her a hard time starts in with his oneryness. She does not even smile nor even try to reply to his smarty comments. When she always had to have the last word before now she just gives him a dirty look. Like she doesn't even care !

The main problem is my dad wants her to come home when she gets out of therepy in a few weeks. Yet he is not willing to properly equip there home for what she will need to get around. He wants to do things cheap and easy which may end up causing her to get hurt. And when you ask mom how she feels about it she just says " I don't care I just want to go home" That bothers me so bad cuz my sister has offered to talk my mom home with her. Where mom can have freedom yet have the convience ofa helping hand for things like going to the restroom, or bathing. My father won't do these things for her at least not properly. I am afrais that right now she is so depressed that he main goal is to get home.Which I can't blame her. It's just that I don't want her to go home with someone that I know is a very selfish person. He doesn't have the patience nor the skill to take care of moms needs. I mean for goodness sake my father has congestive heart failure himself. He's not sick or anything yet but he doesn't stop to think about what will happen if he does get sick and noone can get to the phone!

I don't know how to approch my mother and tell her. That I understand she want's to go home because thats iwhere she is comfotable. But there are a lot of people who don't believe that is the safeest place for you. Not because he would hurt you on purpose, it is just his lack of knowledge. As well as him always taking the easy way around fixing a problem. Some time you would think he might figure out doing things right the first time might cost more, but they last you a lot longer . Plus depending on what it is , it might even come with a warrenty !!!!

I just want my mom to make the best possible decision for her health. I just don't see how her being at her home where my dad keeps his german sheppard in there single wide trailer. I don't see how that would be the best possible thing to do !

Ok sorry I began to ramble on there I will end this now or I will end up sitting here all night typing@ Sorry I guess some of that was a bit of a ven session. I even took my larazapam today wow I would have hated to see me if I hadn't lol !

Well thanks for listening and again if anyone has any ideas about how I should talk to my dad please let me know. He's not easy to talk to he is a german, who is stuck once he makes his mind up, and is upset when he does't get his way . He firmly believes the man should get what he asks for since he provided for his family for years. Then were just supposed to support his discisions no questions asked.

Thanks
Sassy

Hi Sassy,

Your story reminds me on my friend's life story. His mother has suffered under similar circumstances. My friend doesn't live together with his parents, and he suffered more then his mom. His father was also selfish, but lately he had a heart attack and this change everything. His mother had stroke and was partly paralyzed and the life wasn't so bright for both of them and also not for their son. Anyway, after the heart attack, his dad changed completely, totally different person. Now they help each other and live very happy along their disability.

And your question, how to talk to your dad ... Well, I would talk to him like daughter/son to dad. Tell him what you think, open yourself. Forewarn him that the life is short and similar destiny could happen to him too. Pull all your family together and talk about the problem.

I wish you luck!