Anyone here overweight and bulimic?

I’d like to hear from someone overweight and bulimic here. I’ve been through all that and now I am almost recovered. My health was completely ruined, it took almost a year and a constant work of my physician, dentist, nutritionist and psychiatrist for me to get better and repair (most of) the damage my stupid and irresponsible behaviour caused. So if there is anyone there with bulimia and too much kilos, write - it means that you acknowledge your problem and that you are willing to cooperate in your salvation.

I’m 30 and I had the same problem. I had 90 kg (only 168 cm high) and my mother convinced me to visit a specialist and seek help. I used to eat enormously big amounts of food, all kinds of food, usually junk food, but also proper meals my mother prepared. It all started when I was 26, I just finished my college and tried to get a job, but I was constantly turned down, I didn’t have enough money, and my boyfriend left me. All this moved the avalanche of self - criticism, impression of worthlessness and misery of life, I was so depressed that I couldn’t leave the house. Normally, I started putting on some weight and couldn’t cope with that, so I started eating even more. No food was bad enough for me, there was no time when I wouldn’t eat, I started suffering from insomnia and eating during the night... There was no way out - for about four month I gained 10 kg. And then I decided to try out vomiting. After one particularly abundant meal I went to the bathroom, took my toothbrush and initiate vomiting. Very soon I became skillful and able to cause vomiting any time I wanted. The cycle of binge eating and vomiting continued and after a year of such behaviour I gained 24 kg and reached 90 kg. I completely lost control, wanted to punish myself for overeating, felt guilt and regret, but the only reaction was to cause some more vomiting. When my mother came to visit me she couldn’t believe. She managed to talk me into going to the doctor and then he explained the nature of my problem - bulimia and overeating. I managed to seriously hurt my throat, develop irritable bowels syndrome, lose much of my hair and get diabetes and high blood pressure. The recovery was long and slow, I lost my hope and wanted to quit all and just surrender. But my mother was there for me, she supported me and was very helpful. For my 29th birthday I had 71 kg and could treat myself with a big portion of ice-cream without vomiting and feeling guilty after it.

being overweight is shameful, but being overweight and bulimic means that i am trying to do something about it. being bulimic makes my weight problem not as embarassing

I know what you mean by saying it makes it not as shameful, but it's a wrong thought. I'm overweight, and I struggle with bulimia, and it almost feels like I should be. Even though I haven't vomited in a long time, I still really want to change my weight, and it hurts A LOT. Sometimes when I'm hungry and my stomach growls, I feel happy because it makes me feel less fat. I know the only way to truly lose weight is the healthy way, but when I fail I just feel like going back to the toilet. I KNOW how to eat, I KNOW I need to exercise, and I KNOW that I'm overweight, but it's still overwhelmingly hard to do it the healthy way and abstain from overeating. I don't know...I feel like I'm in a hole that I can never climb out of, that I'll never reach my goal or not be "obsese" or "overweight" or a fatass. It's hard to get over it, but I just want to try and change my weight, and for once feel happy. Yeah yeah, I know I have to accept myself, but it's really hard when I feel like this is the way I should feel about myself. HELP!!! I just need some support, and hopefully I can control my eating habits...
THE END

[I can agree with both ladies. I don't really feel too comfortable talking right now... but I see myself in you. Thanks!!!

I have been in recovery from anorexia/bulimia for 4 years. Primarily it was bulimia from abuse of laxatives. I was overweight when I started my eating disorder and I know how you feel, it's very uncomfortable to stop purging. It's really hard to lose the weight the healthy way when you are so used to the quick fix side of weight loss. I can tell you that getting mad at my triggers really helped me. I decided I was trying to be thin for all of the wrong reasons. Then I decided I wanted to be healthy instead of feel sick all of the time. Then I decided it was unattractive to be on the toilet all the time (especially when my boyfriend said it was gross). It was the hardest thing making the lifestyle changes I made. I can tell you that once you do, you'll stop caring about the things that used to bother you with your weight as much. The triggers that used to bother you wont bother you as much and life will sort of come together.

Things that helped me were:
Eating less fried foods (I used to be a big fried food junkie) and eating more vegetables and fruits and healthy carbs and meats.
Buying expensive makeup. Yah -- it sounds ridiculously silly, but it helped. I felt good when I put it on and I found the makeup that best suited my face. It took me a while to find what I liked, but when I did, I felt comfortable in it.
Buying clothes that were a little oversized, but not too oversized. So that I felt comfortable on my days when I felt UNCOMFORTABLE in my own skin.
Drinking lots of water (This was hard because it made me feel bloated, but if you stop caring what people think, and get used to it, it will eventually help you in the long run.)

After all, who are you trying to impress anyways? If someone is going to like you, they will like you for you. Thats what I had to tell myself. So I made this lifestyle change be a mental test to all of my friends. And you know what? They are still my friends and they say they like me better now than they did before.

I really commend you guys on trying to get help. I know how hard it is. Overcoming bulimia is one of the hardest obstacles in life I have ever had to face. I really do wish you well on your journey towards recovery.

I have noticed that there are a lot of you on here that are in recovery and have found help. I have been searching and going back in forth with therapist and Doctors, but no one will take my insurance. I have been Bulimic for almost 15 years on and off and I am only 27. I need help and I was wondering if any of you had any suggestion on what I can do PLEASE! thank you very much and hope to hear from someone soon. I feel so hopeless and misunderstood.

heya,

it's been a year out since I last posted here..

I got an email that I had been watching this post. I hope you are okay.

I just wanted to give you a site that is all about recovery for eating disorders and will be able to better help you.

www.something-fishy.org/

they have a large support group there and might can help with the insurance problem.

ive been bulimic for about 3 years now and im always trying to recover. i dont know how to begin without professional help, which i am not willing to get

I am 15 years old, and I am bulimic, I am overweight, but I am definetly trying to do something about it. I weigh 183 at the moment, but I was 204, so I've lost a total of 21 pounds so far. Since June 20th. I am not losing the weight fast enough with just regular cutting back calories and some exercise, so I am throwing up on top of that.
It used to be just once or twice a week, now i'm doing it 4-5 times a week. And sometimes twice in a day. I just feel unable to control my eating, and with bulimia, I can eat whatever the hell I want, and then throw it up.
The thing I am worried about is my teeth, they are fine now, but i dont want them to rot. I chew antacids after throwing up so that it counteracts the stomach acid from purging.
At first I wasnt "addicted" to it, but now mostly after I eat, I feel the urge to throw it up. Mostly after I eat sweets.
xx
wednesday